The Actor's Manual for How Everyone Else Should Behave

We all have manuals for other humans.

These are the rules we keep in our minds about how others should behave.  

Some of us have enough to fill a library.

Others of us have them for ones we love, but not for strangers.

And vice versa.

And all the other humans have ones for us.

A manual for a partner can be like:

You should text me back within 5 minutes of hearing from me.

You should know I don't like that person/restaurant/color/style/music

You should always laugh at my jokes.

You should come home in a good mood.

You should buy me the perfect gift.

So - how much fun is it to be this other person?

A manual for a director could be:

You cast me correctly, and praise me often.

You understand when I am 5 minutes late. Which is every day.

You never lose your patience.

You ask my opinion.

You credit me with ideas that come from me.

We need to close these tomes, full of judgement and shame and recipes for frustration.

And toss them out.

The humans are going to be the humans. And unless someone is a child, or under your guardianship, or unsafe in the world on their own,  we cannot set the rules for them. 

This is not about being employed by someone who has understandable expectations for the work you are hired to do.

This is about freeing yourself from the idea that humans should behave the way we would like them to.

They won't.

The psychic weight of these manuals, carried around by some of us for Years, is draining.

You will find it totally freeing to let the people be who they will be, and make decisions based on what you think about their actions/speech/inaction.  

And yes, they will all have manuals about you.  What you should do/think/say to fit into their idea of what your relationship is.

We can't make them discard theirs.  All we can do is drop ours for them.

This is not the same as expressing your wishes:

I would like you to call me if you are running late.

I would rather you not bring that friend over to the house.

I will not let you drive me if you have more than 2 drinks.

You can express your expectations, but that does not mean they will agree, or honor them.

What you do about that is totally your call. But what you cannot do is expect them to behave differently.  This only starts a spiral where You feel the Frustration that They Didn't Follow Your Manual for them.  

Which likely leads to behavior from you that you don't really like...

Anger. Frustration. Petty sniping. 

This is called emotional childhood. More on that in another blog.

Finally. Let's think about your Manual for the Audience.

They will love me.

They will applaud at the times established by other audiences.

They will get me.

They will post about me and how moved they were/great I was/amazing I looked.

They will be quiet when a scene is intimate.

 They will stand up at the end.

How about this. 

They get to enjoy what they enjoy and have opinions about it all. They get to be right and wrong. They have permission to have varied thoughts and feelings about you/the show.  They are not better or worse than the Great Audience last Tuesday.

And that's OK.

Think about what Manuals you carry around. Take the weight off.

Your emotional health will be much more vibrant if you don't let the behavior of the Audience dictate how you feel about your work in a show. They bring their day to the performance, and so do you.

And when someone else seems to have expectations for you, you will know they are still carrying their Manual for you.

Knowing that can make it easier to deal with.