Actors and Buffering

What is buffering?

A quick smartphone check answer: 'To lesson or moderate the impact of something.'

That can be a good thing.  There is an old pain medication that uses the word buffer in its name, as an indication that it does that.   Take this, and your pain will be lessoned.

We as human need this sometimes.

But most often, we buffer when we don't.

You may already be aware of times in your life when you 'make yourself feel better', or calmer, or justified, by having a drink, or eating a brownie (or 6) or streaming an entire series in one sitting, or going down endless funnels of instagram posts. 

And you do get relief, as planned.

Get a role, drink to celebrate.  Don't get a role, drink to commiserate. Don't like the way your partner snapped at you last night? Stream 5 stories about disfunctional relationships. Or 3 hours of romance movies, or work out (again) even though your body has plenty of love, strength and capacity.

We can buffer with work.  Because it feels justified.  I'm so busy I don't have time to feel sorry for myself. 

We can buffer with almost anything.  

Coffee.  On line shopping. Passive research (always reading and getting information, but rarely doing anything with it).  Getting ready to get ready can take a lot of time and energy and make us feel like we're in it...

When we're really just.... watching it. Whatever it is.

Are you buffering?

How do you know? 

Two ways.

What are you thinking when you buffer?

This is not about what you should or shouldn't do.  There are those among us who drink fairly constantly, and like their reasons.  They are able to do their work, have a healthy relationship, and enjoy their lives.  There are those actors who gather influence by constantly being available on social media platforms and engaging with their followers - that is a business or branding choice, and not buffering.

Unless you are thinking:

I don't like the way I feel.

I feel rejected.

I deserve a (Drink, cookie, praise from a follower, likes).

I am entitled.

I had a bad day.

I am bored.

If you are doing the activity to AVOID feeling something you perceive to be negative, you are likely buffering.

And whenever you buffer, you do get relief.  From that thought, Or that emptiness. 

But it comes back.

And if you don't think about your thoughts.  If you don't get curious about 'why'? You are going to be in a cycle of buffering to avoid the negative things you don't want to feel.

Let's take an example we all know.

You are in callbacks.  You gave an amazing audition. You are waiting and 48 hours go by and you have to start thinking 'I didn't get it'.  Sometimes in our industry, we don't know when to stop expecting the call.  We just train ourselves to move on as a protection against having our hopes too high.

So.  Your brain, your brain that evolved from the cave using pleasure, and energy efficiency, and pain avoidance comes up with a Great Idea! 

Let's eat a lot of crap!

Let's have a third drink!

Let's have the drug!

Let's buy an overpriced jacket!

Hey, let's sleep with someone we don't like!

So. Many. Great. Ideas. 

Because our Survival Brain doesn't know the difference between 'this job isn't the one for me' and 'We Are Going To Die Without This Job'. It is just up there doing its job.  Giving us quick ideas for how to feel pleasure and avoid that pain.  And it conserves energy because if we do the 'thing we always do', the primitive brain doesn't have to work hard coming up with something better

And we get into a dulling pattern.  A lulling pattern. 

We drink, we eat, we stream porn, for the quick dopamine hit.  Our primitive brain thinks 'my job here is done', and gets to sit back and relax (conserve that energy for the tiger outside the cave... Conserve for the long hard winter with no readily available food... conserve our lives by Not Allowing the Negative Feeling because it might mean Death!)

That part of our brain is so very useful in the event we are jumping away from a car speeding from us.  Or grabbing a hammer from a 4 year old. It revels in quick decisions that save lives! Especially your own!

But. Most of the time.

Our lives don't need saving.  They need Living.

Where does that leave us?

Start by thinking about the patterns of behavior in your live that already bother you.  What do you notice about these patterns?

When you start to think 'I deserve', 'I earned', or even 'I want... because it tastes, or feels good'... take five minutes to look at why you want to do it/have it. What is that thought? 

And if you did some work around that thought, with your prefrontal, highest human brain, what would that bring to the surface for you?

We are so very used to feeling good fast.  But that is not always feeling good best.

A second way to know if you are buffering.

What is your result?

Are you stressing your joints with too much working out? Gaining too much weight? running up credit card debt? Cycling through relationships because porn/gambling/working all the time feels better.  Feels like a relief.

If you have a drink.  If you eat a sundae.  If you watch movies all day.

That's great! Do it.

But really have a look inside at why.  You want to like your reasons.  

And you will a lot of the time.

Just keep in your mind, your prefrontal, planning mind, that you already have the tools to change any behavior that is not serving you.

And maybe acknowledge that as humans, eventually we have to accelerate what we are doing to get the same dopamine hit - the same level of relief.  More sugar, more drugs, more sex, more shopping, more sweat, more More.

ActorSelfCoach will keep working to provide thought work to help you with buffering, and figuring out why you want it so much.

What are you avoiding feeling? And is it worth it?

Nothing has gone wrong here, or with you.  This is how our brains work.  

You can change anything, if you want to think your way to the solution.

Yes. You can.